Women's Health Week: Intuition is Key
It’s Women’s Health Week and I can say with certainty women everywhere are concerned about health. How do we celebrate a week dedicated to health in the middle of a pandemic? How can we beat this? How can I stay healthy?
We all know the answer here … and it’s the answer that scares us the most. There are no guarantees. In a culture that values plans, preparation and productivity, this is the scariest, most fearful time of our generation.
But through great necessity comes invention. Throughout history women have been told to control their emotions, be nice, smile, stop being sensitive, stop being dramatic, be desirable, be modest, be powerful, be submissive, be thin, have curves, and a plethora of other contradictions aimed at selling products, influencing the future to fall in line, and smothering the very thing we women need the most right now … our own intuition.
Almost every one of my birth clients reaches out at one point with a question. “Can I lay on my back? Can I eat this food? Can I have my parents over? What does this pain I felt mean? Is it ok to drink this type of tea? What does my failed glucose test mean? What will happen to me in the hospital?” Each and every question I’ve ever been asked boils down to this – “Is my baby going to be ok?”
We’ve been programmed to look outward for answers about fears that were placed within us by the very culture and climate we’re seeking answers from. A grandparent said not to lie on our backs. A friend told us not to eat certain foods. A magazine taught us about the dangers of failed glucose tests. The news announced baby-and-mother separation in hospitals.
What if we were to flip the script and turn inward? What if we were to meet fear head on? What if we were to look our uncertainty square in the eye and tell her we can coexist? We can accept the unknown and take each day as it comes because in a culture that values production over sanity, we’re suddenly faced with this never-before-seen opportunity to make our own decisions? We’re suddenly asked to adjust everything, in every way, and there’s no single, true expert available to guide us.
I’m seeing women everywhere rolling out the red carpet for … themselves. Our intuition. Our idea of what’s important. Our inner compass. Our wisdom, an ancient one all women carry within us that’s been passed down for generations and also been the source of contention, persecution and transparent hatred from people in power.
We have everything we need within us. We just have to listen.
My favorite tips to help women tune into their own intuition, especially in the face of fear:
Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to be angry, joyful, frustrated, sad, fearful, content. Whatever you are feeling is the right feeling. Stop buying into the belief that you must match the attitudes and expectations of people on the internet. You do not need to be happy and grateful. You do not need to be sad and angry. You can be whatever you want to be because you’re a grown woman who only gets one life to live. So let the fires of anger burn and listen to what they have to say – or feel freedom and joy in the face of adversity because you’re happy being home. Ride the waves of emotion and pay attention to what triggers them. Triggers speak to us and show us what areas of our hearts need more of our time. Pay attention to emotions and you’ll get a beautiful list of priorities at your feet.
Reduce comparisons. This means moderating (or eliminating) social media. Just for a week. Or a day. Or half a day. Or an hour. Social media isn’t real. Social media is a construct masked in “connection” that forces you to confront life through others’ eyes. Sometimes those are real pretty eyes and sometimes they’re real depressing eyes but either way, they aren’t your eyes. Take breaks and use the time you’d be scrolling to listen to yourself and what you really feel.
Drink more tea! Herbs grow naturally in our backyards here in Northern Illinois. Dandelion is fantastic for our livers and guess what? Our livers control our hormones and our hormones control our health. My herbalist mentor, Rosemary Gladstar, generously shares some of the best women’s tea recipes here.
Do nothing. If you wake up and your body is telling you to do the bare minimum, then do the bare minimum. Acknowledge this is not a normal reaction from your body, you’re going to be ok, and your body isn’t wrong. Take care of the must-do responsibilities and then make time for super slow yoga, meditation, herbal baths, page-turners, coloring books, walks, or snuggling with your blankets, animals, or family. Listen to your body. Trust your body.
Do things that feel good. Pay attention to how your body and emotions react to the various things you encounter. You do not need to master sourdough right now. If it makes you feel good to try, do it. You do not need to be super productive. If it makes you feel good to be productive, do it. We can’t always choose to do things that feel good – and this time in our lives certainly isn’t allowing us any handouts on easy street – but when given the opportunity to choose what to do with your time, your body will tell you what feels good and what just does not, despite what social media says. Listen, listen.
Nature is your friend. Even when it’s raining. Even when you can’t go to the beach. Even when you’re sick of walking around the same yard, or block, or trail. There’s something new to discover every single hour of the day because nature is constantly changing. Nature doesn’t quarantine. There’s so much to see and hear and listen and learn. Make a nature journal. They even sell some amazing nature journals that can help you focus on the little changes around you. The only constant is change, and nature is the master of constant.
Phone chats are fantastic – but only when they help. Connect on the phone with people you love. If the person you’re talking to wants to pressure you, make you feel badly, or overwhelm you, it’s time to cut the conversation loose. Listen to your body during these conversations. If you relax, you’re in the right place. If you tense up, it might be time to hang up. You are under no obligation to live your life for anyone else. We need nurturing right now. Let the love in and only the love.
Let yourself set the rules and boundaries. What others think of you is none of your business. In the birth world I see so many women give the power of their births to their providers, their nurses, their partners, even their doulas. These women don’t want to rock the boat. They want to be compliant and loved. A very wise midwife once taught me how important it is to take back your power. You do not need to please anyone – that is a tall tale taught to you since birth by a world that still sees women as lesser people. Your power belongs to you. Realize it, recognize it, own it, and protect it. Set boundaries without explanation. What people think of you is none of your business.
Turn inward and away from judgement. “My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins.” Oliver Wendall Holmes said something like that at some point in some time and it’s one of my favorite quotes. My reality is not someone else’s reality. An amazing activist once taught me judgement is a window into your own fears. When you judge someone, it’s really a reflection of your own fear for yourself. You don’t want to become that person. You’re afraid of becoming that person. Your fear, however, has nothing to do with that person. It’s your fear. Turn inward and try and figure out why you have that fear and what you can do to prevent projecting that fear on others. We cannot control other people, no matter how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are. All we can do is control ourselves, our perceptions, our actions. There’s a million ways out there to champion for the things that are important to you, and most of them have nothing to do with judging friends, family, and strangers on social media. Own your fears and move forward in your own life.
Choose your mentors wisely. Our inherent wisdom is so powerful, but as a great friend recently told me, you don’t know what you don’t know. When you don’t know the answer within yourself, or are struggling to make a decision, use your intuition to seek out a mentor. This is a fantastic time to seek out elders, women who are further along in the same journey, and a sisterhood group. Women have roamed this earth for much longer than just this tiny blip in time. We’ve been learning for centuries. Your mentor could be one person, or it could be a group of people all specialized in your chosen priorities. Google doesn’t give a rip about your intuition, or your personal journey, or your personality. Mentors care about all those things. Seek out real-life people and groups that can support you and shower you in the love you deserve and need in this crazy adventure called life. It’s 100% ok to need help and to ask for it.
We women are incredible healers. We’re incredible innovators. We’re incredible learners. We’re incredible leaders. Just look at mothers – women charged with raising little humans … without a manual? And yet humanity continues onward.
What we have within us is the knowledge, strength, and power to keep ourselves as healthy as possible during times of extreme crisis and hardship. Millions of women have done it before us, and millions will after us. We simply need to cast out the noise and tune in to ourselves. Be healthy. Be safe. Be yourself.
About the author: Crystal Lake-based Jen Buck provides customized, holistic, women-centered birth doula care to Chicagoland parents. Through Dancing Feathers Farm Co., she sells handcrafted soaps, salves and beeswax wraps, and flowers and veggies at local farmers markets. Contact her at info@dancingfeathersfarm.com.